i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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