Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
