I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
