Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
