girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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