oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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