I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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