We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
