I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
