Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hate all girls vehemently.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
