im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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