I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
