found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
