Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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