I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
