You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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