between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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