you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
