high people should be assigned attendants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
