Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
