I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
