Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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