I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize