You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
