hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
