The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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