If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
