The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
