i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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