also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
