The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
