we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
