I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
