im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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