Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
