Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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