totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
