Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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