i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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