Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
