Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
