all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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