you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
