DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
