he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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