What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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