It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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