I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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