I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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