How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
