Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
