I'm so fucking centered right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
