Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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