honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I will be naked everywhere
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Damn victory sex feels great
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
