So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
