Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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