And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
