Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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