I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
