So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
