you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
