I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Randomize
