I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
