I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
