I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
