I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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