I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i now understand why vodka
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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