i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
