Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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