I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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