Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize