And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
