so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
