brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
