god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
