Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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