my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
