Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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