we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
