party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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