The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
